


The Powers That Be, Or Not To Be

by remarkable1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bad TV marathon, Crack!Ending, Crack!fic!, Disgusting lovey-dovey, Dorks R Us, F/M, Happy Ending, Heavy Petting, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, Lovers, Magic, Power Swap, Smell my finger, flirty banter, gross humor, innuendos, spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 00:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21290606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remarkable1/pseuds/remarkable1
Summary: Hermione and Sam are forced to watch a movie marathon due to a life debt she owes someone. Something strange happens while they are distracted, and things go haywire after that. Crack!Fic, try not to take it too seriously.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Sam Wilson (Marvel)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: Marvelously Magical Drabbles





	The Powers That Be, Or Not To Be

Written for the 2019 Marvelously Magical Roll-A-Thon. This category and my tropes to work with were: Crack!Fic Tropes: Life Debt, Super Power, Magic Swap

“The Hills are alive…. With the sound of Griswold….. This shit’s been around…. For a very long time…..”

Hermione sighed, leaning into her lover, who was snoring – again. She elbowed him sharply. “HEY!”

Sam snorted and woke up, reaching around to scratch his ass unattractively, then yawned. “What the fuck! You put in ANOTHER movie! I thought I was gonna die after the last one! What was that, Annie?”

“Don’t you EVER watch classics?” she asked, annoyed, reaching for the burnt popcorn. She wrinkled her nose. Good god. They were NEVER going to get the smell out of their house. Every spell she could think of hadn’t touched it. It was like, a bad penny, always turning up when Sam was the one making snacks.

“Remind me why we’re watching this bullshit?”

“I owe someone a life debt.”

“Aw, come on, man! I thought you were just joshin’ me with that!”

“This is very serious, Sam! This individual thought it was funny to make us sit and watch ‘classics’ all day. But boo on him. He didn’t specify WHICH classics we had to watch.”

Sam started digging again. He pulled his hand out and stuck his fingers under her nose. “Do my fingers smell like ass?”

“Great Merlin, gross!” Hermione shoved him away and he just doubled over laughing. 

“I’m outta here babe. I’ll be back later on and take care of you – real good – if you know what I mean.” He waggled his eyebrows and she smiled back fondly. She could never stay mad at Sam, he was so sexy. But she knew something he didn’t know, and as soon as he tried to leave the room, he came flying back to the couch, sailing through the air and landing, busting a few springs in the process. “Goddamnit, what the hell was that!?” he complained.

“Life debt,” she deadpanned, grimacing but eating more of the burnt popcorn.

“Damn, girl, you don’t have to eat that shit you know!”

She looked at him sideways. “I – I don’t? You always get upset when I turn down your snacks. I’m just trying to be polite.”

“Aw baby, you’re the best, you know that?”

He leaned in and grabbed her chin, chuckling when she stuck her tongue out to offer him masticated burnt popcorn, sucking it into his mouth. They passed it back and forth like ping-pong pros, finally, Sam admitting defeat as he swallowed it just to get her tongue really moving.

They really got into each other, petting heavily, and didn’t notice when the movie, “Griswold’s European Vacation,” stopped playing and the screen went blank, only a shadowy figure in the background chanting an incantation. It lasted all of half a minute and the movie blipped back on.

By the time they were done with the heavy petting she was panting and he was hard as a rock. “I wish we didn’t have to wait 'til this evening, I want you so much, baby.”

“I want you too. God, I love you so much!”

“Love you too baby.”

Resigned to the movie marathon, he reached over and pulled her into his side. Her wand lay on the coffee table. Sam was bored, so he picked it up. “Abracadabra,” he joked, and the TV disappeared. He dropped it like it was a snake biting him. “What the fuck!? Where did the damn TV go?”

Hermione frowned, her forehead furrowed. “That’s – not supposed to happen. You sure you’re not a wizard?”

“Damn sure! I tried casting everything under the sun with that thing. This is the first time it’s worked!”

“I think something’s wrong here. I – I don’t know how, but I feel funny,” she said, holding her head. “I need to try something.” Hermione picked up her wand gingerly and tried a simple spell. “Accio plastic bowl.”

Nothing happened.

This kept on for ten minutes until she sank back into the couch, tears starting to stream from her eyes. Sam just held her, took the wand and then repeated some of her actions, the magic working for him.

“Accio Jelly Beans!” he swooshed and flicked, happy when the bedroom dresser opened noisily and his secret stash of Bertie Bott’s flew into the room, smacking him in the back of the head. “Well, I'll be damned! I’m a magic man now!”

“You don’t understand. This isn’t how magic is supposed to work! I – I may have lost it forever!”

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll be your own personal genie, but you get as many wishes as you want.”

“This is serious!” She slapped his arm but he shook his head at her.

“Let’s go outside.”

“The life debt…”

“Fuck it. If we get sucked back to the couch, alright then. But I can’t make the TV re-appear, already tried. I guess we could go into the bedroom and watch.” Carefully, Sam cleared his throat and spoke theatrically to the air. “Oh, great Life Debt thingamajiggy! I humbly request you allow us to go outside for fifteen minutes so I can take a leak out back, and test a theory!”

“You are so CORNY!” she laughed, rising when he pulled her up.

He shrugged. “Alright, let’s see if it worked?”

It did, and they breathed in the fresh air and sunshine. After he’d pissed, Sam carefully set her wand down, rushed back in the house and came back out with his super-hero Falcon outfit.

“Put this on.”

“Oh, you can’t possibly-“

“Just do it, baby! Maybe my hunch is right!”

She gave him that, ‘Yeah, right, buddy,’ patronizing look, but put the suit on over her comfy clothes. Taking instruction, she was delighted and terrified to find out she could move, glide, control birds, and had minor telepathic abilities, just as her lover had before it seemed that their abilities had been switched.

“This is amazing!” she cried out, “I’m a bird! I’m a plane! I’m- I’m falling, oooohhh shitttt!” she screamed, remembering at the last second their fifteen minutes was probably up.

Sure enough, she and Sam got swooshed into the house, sucked into the bedroom this time, where their movie automatically flipped on and played from where they had left off.

Sam looked over carefully at his disheveled lover. “You sure this place ain’t haunted?”

“Love, you’re dating a witch. I told you anything could happen.”

“It looks like anything just did happen.”

“How are we gonna fix this?”

Hermione leaned over and walked her fingers up his thigh, palming his crotch. “Oh, I don’t know. We’ll figure it out, but for now, why don’t we just enjoy the exotic locale?”

“Oh ho! I like how you think, woman!”

The Griswolds sang and danced as the lovers took advantage of the bed, and as evening fell, they slept, the shadowy figure appearing next to their bed and incanting the same spell, in reverse. 

In the morning, life debt fulfilled, Hermione retained the powers of the Falcon, and he, her magic, but they also got their own powers back. And they lived happily ever after, got married, had 2.5 children, and white picket fence with two cats in the yard.

The End


End file.
